I know why the troubled man keeps his head up

One cliche that gets thrown around a lot is, "Keep your head up." People say this to someone when they look sad or upset about something. The effectiveness in this overused saying lies in its ability to motivate people to stay positive.

Others expressions like this include:

"Look at the bright side."
"The beginning is always today."
"Things turn out the best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out."

I normally don't have anybody around to tell me these uplifting things so I have to tell them to myself.

While returning home from work tonight I couldn't help but keep my head in a 45 degree angle facing downward. The temperature was 0˚C so I had my hood up, but something was also troubling me. It's not so important what was troubling me. More importantly I wondered why it was troubling me.

Noticing myself that I hadn't looked up once since venturing on foot back to my apartment, I decided to pause in the midst of my tracks. Under the furry hood of my Korean jacket I tilted my head up to see if the stars had come out to play tonight. My visibility was hindered by my hood so I couldn't see much. I wanted to see more but I didn't want to lose the warmth it was providing me. Comfort aside I decided to push up the hood fully with my umbrella until I was de-hooded. And there I saw, the Big Dipper.

I stood in awe at its awesomeness: it's majestic twilight. I watched it, or rather saw it, for at least a few minutes. In those few minutes I was transported away from all the menial and trivial matters that were infesting my life. It made me realize something profound.

My subconscious streamline of thoughts:

["Wow, when you think about it all, everything that lies before us is so meaningless, yet at the same time ultimately precious. These moments in which I think and ponder about life are the ones that mean the most to me.

The bigger dipper is so far away. The universe is so vast. Is it infinite or finite?

It's 0˚C weather right now but it's just a bunch of neurons going off in my brain right now telling me that it's freezing. I'm diverting maximum CPU to Pondering Mode.

That's better. Now, where was I? Oh, I'm still standing here? But what for? I need to go home and prepare dinner so that way I can continue to be alive and healthy. I'm still trying to enjoy this Life thing."]

End Subconscious Transmission

Conclusion: When you keep your head up you see more than just your feet and your surrounding environment. It snapped me right out of the funk that I was in.


~Anthans

What are you SUPER saiyan?

Gohan and Goku may look relaxed here, but they are actually actively training for their next battle with the foe, Cell.


I'll never forget how much power I was drained of the first night I spoke in three languages.

It was back in June of last year and I had just moved to Japan. My Japanese was subpar at the time but one night I somehow found myself being invited to one of the local clubs by a group of Japanese girls. Once we arrived I met a variety of other people, including other foreigners. One of the groups I began a chat with didn't respond in either Japanese or English, but rather Spanish.

I hadn't spoken Spanish in months, maybe year, but there I was trying to communicate in my father tongue.


"¿De dónde eres? ¿Verdad? ¿Cuál parte? ¿Soy de Los Estados unidos pero vivo en Japón."

「何がおすすめですか。ジントニックか。好きな飲み物だよ！ちょっと待って、頼もうと思う。」

"Hey, where's the restroom?"

"¿Te gusta Japón?"

「写真を撮りましょう！」

"En el futuro quiero estudiar in España. Hay muchas fiestas en España. ¿Qué no?

「その彼女と喋りたいんですが、私の日本語はちょっと。何をするべき？」

"Is it OK to go out and come back in? I need to breath outside!"


And so the night continued to progress in this manner.

Now, let's return to the above related picture.

If you're not familiar with the Dragon Ball Z series here it is in a nutshell. It's a group of fighters who are always training and powering themselves up to try and beat their next foe, usually from another planet or galaxy. Two of the main characters, Goku and Gohan, can transform themselves into powerful angelic beings called Super Saiyans. When they first discover this ability they are new to it and have a hard time controlling and understanding it. For them to go in and out of Super Saiyan mode requires a large amount of energy.

In order to beat their next super opponent Goku and Gohan learn to maintain their energy levels while continuously being in the state of a Super Saiyan. They do this even while taking a nap in the grass. By carrying out their day like this they are able to maintain their strength levels so that they can be ready for battle at the drop of a hat. This is an ingenious strategy: one that I've tried to adopt for myself.

I used to babble on about how one day I was going to know five languages in the future. Truth be told I couldn't foresee it happening on my own. I imagined that one day I would just wake up and magically be able to spit out five national anthems in five different languages out of nowhere. Unfortunately though nothing that awe-inspiring could take place overnight. I've realized now that it's going to take a lot of work. And that work has already begun.

Everyday I read Spanish news on my computer, teach English at work, study Japanese throughout the day, and just recently I started to learn Chinese pronunciation. I'm doing these things daily so that I won't be drained in the future when I have to switch between speaking five [possibly more] languages that all have different pronunciation, grammar, sentence structure, intonation, formalities, and tenses.

~Anthans

12:00 Day

Today I woke up at 7:30, 9:00, 10:05, and finally at 12:00. It's going to be one of those 12:00 days.

I used to time my computer usage so that I wouldn't be on the computer so much. I did this up until the end of last month. Every time I would sit down to use the computer I would put a timer on myself that would count down (from 99:00 minutes at first) until 00:00. When 00:00 would hit the alarm would sound and I would immediately force myself to turn off my computer. Everyday after that I would reduce my computer time privilege by 1:00 minute. I did this all the way until around 55:00 minutes or so. But since then I just sort of forgot about it. Mainly because I only use my computer for studying now. But alas, I sometimes still get sidetracked.

During those days the weather was less disagreeable and my spirits were higher. I was freer to go off and explore nearby cities on foot, by bicycle, or with local transportation. Due to the tundra climate my city has been experiencing this month I've been limited to the confines of my mansion and nearby area. No adventures to report on just yet. Just a lot of studying.

12:00 days never have any sort of agenda, but I'm going to try to do some meaningful things today anyway. I'm going to turn off my computer right now and see what happens.

~Anthans

High Tension

テンションが高い。

Translation: Tension is high.

The Japanese translation, which means a highness of spirits, is almost completely opposite of the English meaning . My "High Tension" title however represents the English meaning, mostly due to the high amount of stress/worry in my life right now.

For whatever reason I was suddenly overcome with lethargy today while passing out flyers for work. It must have been caused by a combination of reasons:

-the shitty ICE BOX weather
-girl drama
-the 1% uncertainty of whether or not I'll be able to take my next vacation or not in February
-the realization of my reality that I was passing out flyers for work


It almost prompted me to do something drastic like:

-Buying a new expensive toy
-Cutting my hair and trying a completely different style
-Quitting my job


However, as the night progressed I simmered down and returned to Neutral Mode.

Notwithstanding, I wish I was still in high tension mode so I could have an excuse to do something drastic like the above.


~Anthans

???

"Hmmm...."

I thought as I stood in my kitchen, trying to remember, as if it were a part of some world agenda, what the current ringtone of my cellphone was. Back in America I always knew what it was because I would receive a call at least once a day.

Here it's not uncommon for me to receive 0 phone calls in a week.

I'm blank.

~Anthans


P.S. People in Japan email (text) each other other 10x more than they call each other. So don't feel too bad for me. It's probably because they're all thinking the same thing: "Too 'spansive!"

Reindeer Games

"No matter how hard you try son, you're never going to fit in." -Momma

Out of the 127,000,000 or so people living here in Japan only about 1.5 million are foreign residents. That's about 1.2%. I wonder how the other 1,499,999 people are dealing with this fact right now.

The only time I ever see foreigners is in big cities. I can only go to big cities during my vacation time. My vacation time is scarcely limited. Ergo I'm always being stared at on a daily basis. 

The most priceless reaction I get is from children. They look up at me like I'm some monolith erected by aliens. This only further entices me to interact with them. If they stare at me long enough I like to lock in on their eyes and stare back with the most ridiculous look on my face. I always win but sometimes it's by default because their parents drag them away from the strange foreign man.

At work I'm not allowed to join in any reindeer games. If I want to play then I have to speak English. Meanwhile, everyone is laughing up a storm over something someone said (in Japanese) and I'm practically forced to pretend like I don't understand. It's despicable.

Just wait, one foggy Christmas Eve will come and Santa will come to say...

~Anthans

Don't Snow on my Parade

すごい大雪ですね。

Really big snow huh?

This is the phrase on the tip of everyone's tongue around here. I can't stand it.

As an alien living in another country (and under strict contract stipulations) I am not allowed to purchase or own a car. I wonder if I can rent one though... Anyway, I feel the time has come to seek out those who have cars!

Actually, I don't really miss driving that much. But I do miss riding my bicycle! Snow is annoying and it's dangerous to go anywhere via any means of transportation. Safty first right?

The snow isn't supposed to stop falling until February. Until then I'm just going to be gay and study at my mansion*.


*mansion: the term used for apartment in Japan

Love,

~Anthans